Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
