dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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