It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
