So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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