There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
