I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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