There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
