Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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