The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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