that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
