I accidentally burped into my bong.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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