All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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