i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
