I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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