You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
