I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
