my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
