In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
