You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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