she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
