What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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