Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
