i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
