One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
