can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
why is half of my head shaved?
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