Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
