he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
