Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
