Yo dont text me then not text me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
