nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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