I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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