I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
