Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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