i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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