You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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