I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
