last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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