The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
