I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
