omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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