new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
