i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
