the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
