Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
