Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
