Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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