I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
