I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
