I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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