Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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