why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
