Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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