You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
